Girdles, Semmits & Marlon Brando

The summer ah wiz fifteen
ah spent in Bains the Draper
wi’ Kate, mah co-conspirator
mah mither thocht her ‘ower knowin’
and she only kent the half o’ it

Oor young airms
polished the lang mahogany coonter
each mornin’
till ye could see yir face in it

Wrapped in tissue paper fir decency
we sold girdles
the colour o’ murdered lobsters
that clamped yir thighs thegither
sae hard they wir
mair effective in stappin’ weans
than johnnies
The Deluxe wans came wi’
an extra packet o’ suspenders
like octopus legs

Snowy white semmits
in a’ sizes frae wee bairn
tae pig bellied butcher
bit Gentleman’s Small
wiz the maist common
fir baldie pigeon-chistit craturs
wha bore nit a whit o’ resemblance
tae Marlon Brando

Ah favoured the jumpers,
saft as a woman’s breist,
duck egg, rose pink
and the colour o’ the
sands at Aberdour
wimmen wha had haspirations
(like mah mither)
wore them wi’
silky horse-heid scarves
tucked in at the neck

Mah best haundwritin’ wiz employed
in the makin’ o receipts
but mind, ye had to press
awfy hard oan the paper
Miss Bain wiz that stingey
wi’ the carbon